ignorance was bliss?

When I was growing up I went through different phases of favorite names. I named my first Cabbage Patch Kid Amber. Later in elementary school, my favorite Barbie was always named Macy. I thought I made it up until Macy Gray came along. In middle school I started writing a lot of stories and the main character was always Quinn. In high school I loved the name Haley Jae. Then, I found out that's what Eminem named his kid...oops. When The Rev and I started dating and things were getting serious I would doodle his last name hopefully tacked on to the end of mine. Sometimes I'd even add it to my favorite baby names, just to picture our family. Yeah, you know you've done it too. The names always changed, but one thing was constant (besides the fact that they were always girls names), I always pictured my own future child when picking them out. My entire life I assumed that I would be able to easily start a family when I decided it was time. 

I've mentioned before that The Rev and I tried for two years to get pregnant with Sis. At the time we knew very few people who struggled with infertility and those that did seemed far removed from us. Things are different now. I guess a lot of it is the stage of life we're in right now. A lot of our friends are in a place where they want to start a family. Sadly, quite a few are coming face to face with the reality that having a baby isn't as easy as we all used to think. Some of my best friends are fighting the battle of infertility or have experienced the loss of a miscarriage. I've had the privilege to walk beside them as they've weathered these storms and have been blessed to see each of them constantly turn to Jesus for hope and reassurance. I wish that I had been part of a community of believers earlier in my marriage so that I could have witnessed older and wiser people deal with these struggles. I think I would have had a more realistic view of what an amazing blessing it is to conceive a child. My experience with baby #2 has been different than with Sis. Because of my own experience and from watching so many of my friends struggle, I have an even greater sense of what a miracle this baby is. I've also experienced more anxiety because I know far more women than I'd like to, that have experienced a miscarriage in the past year. The reality and possibility of that loss is so much closer to home. 

Ignorance was bliss? No way. I'm quite aware of everything that could go wrong with this pregnancy, but the fact that we were able to get pregnant at all (and so quickly this time) is an absolute miracle. When you truly understand what it takes to conceive a child, you begin to understand how amazing it is that anyone is able to get pregnant. I've become painfully aware of my idol of control as a mother. There are so many things that I am completely helpless to do and it makes me crazy. Pregnancy is the same. I am utterly helpless to control the fate of my children. I have to choose to celebrate and take joy in this blessing without hesitation regardless of the possible outcomes. I have to embrace the truth that God is powerful and He is also good. He is in control and whatever happens will happen in His plan. I also take comfort in the fact that I am surrounded by an amazing group of women who constantly remind me to turn to Jesus and are living examples of people that do just that. I love the community of The Oaks that is filled with authentic and vulnerable people who are willing to share burdens as well as joy and I know that no matter what God may bring, I'll never be alone.