pressing in

A few weeks back I found myself in a bit of a funk. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband who immediately noticed and started asking questions to identify what was going on. I didn't feel depressed and I wasn't exactly lonely, I'd been spending time with plenty of people. I mostly felt numb, but I couldn't really explain it.

After much reflection, I think I've identified the culprits. A perfect storm, really - an absence in the word + an absence of deep, intentionally intrusive relationships (aside from my husband, of course). I mentioned a few posts back, that my Bible was MIA. The truth is that it I probably went about two weeks without reading it over the holidays. That took its toll, resulting in a feeling of detachment and general ambivalence. That was amplified by the fact that I didn't have people in my life, really pressing in.

I should clarify, I have LOVED getting to know people here and haven't met a single person that I didn't enjoy spending time with. My time has in no way been filled with surface level conversation, but the reality is that building new friendships from the ground up requires a bit of work. That's all there is to it. There just isn't going to be the level of intimacy and authenticity that you get after spending years developing a relationship with someone. I knew that moving down here and tried to be realistic in my expectations. I gave myself 6-8 weeks to spend time with as many people as possible and in that time begin to identify people that I could really go deeper with.

I was pondering all of this while we were traveling for Christmas and came to the conclusion that it's time to press in. It doesn't matter how well I feel I know someone. I don't have to know where they grew or what college they went to in order to be intentionally intrusive. Having the common bond of Christ makes it possible to cut right past all of that to the most important thing of all. There were a few women that I felt I wanted to pursue being really intentional with and got excited about it. Yesterday, before I was even able to bring it up, one of them asked me if I might be interested in doing more of a formal accountability with her and another woman! Yes, please! God is so good and his timing is perfect. I also had two other really great conversations with other women that left me feeling encouraged, challenged, and filled. Thank you, Lord, for the ways you are continuing to teach me, change me, listen to me, and provide.

I pray that if you don't have these kinds of relationships that you'll take the initiative to seek them out. Get past your fears and push beyond the initial moments of awkwardness. Go deeper with the people you already spend time with. It really does matter and will change your life.                                                       Be intentional. Be vulnerable. Be authentic.