Sunday morning was a hard one. Sunday mornings in general don't seem to go well in our house. It is increasingly difficult for me to get the kids out of the house on time to make it to church. That's mostly due to the fact that I'm solo and Sis fights me every step of the way. Last week, my parents were even in town to offer a few helping hands, but she still pushed me to my breaking point.
The last straw was when I told her she needed to put away her crayons and coloring books so we could leave and she looked me in the eye and dumped the entire box out on the living room carpet. BAHHH! It doesn't help matters that I'm feeling more and more emotional these days which I'll attribute to being pregnant - that makes me feel better, anyway- like there's some logic to things unraveling.
It's just so amazing to me how utterly defeating a 3 year old can be. Her defiance sets in motion a downward spiral of emotions. I'm frustrated because she's disobedient. Then, I get down on myself for being a horrible parent because who else can I blame for her disobedience? Then, I totally freak out when I realize that I can't manage to parent TWO children and I'm about to attempt parenting a THIRD?! Then, there are generally tears involved and Sis drops what she's doing to come and be sweet and kind and she hugs me and strokes my hair and tells me she's sorry and not to be sad and that everything will be ok. deep breath. I'm exhausted thinking about it.
So, we got to church and I felt like I was doing much better...until she refused to go to her classroom. I felt myself starting to lose it again. The tears. Oh, Mama, hold it together. But, I couldn't. The Rev came and took Sis and I retreated to the bathroom. My sweet friend, Jess, came in to check on me which I appreciated so much. And later I ran into my friend, Beth, who looked at me with such empathy and asked so genuinely, "You doing okay?" Both of them are mothers to two children similar ages to mine and who I've spent a significant amount of time with over the past months. They really do understand, which is so precious. B told me to drop my kids off at her place for a few hours on Monday morning so I could get some quiet time alone. And I started crying all over again because of her kindness and for loving me so well. It was exactly what I needed.
Then, there's my amazing husband. He could just act like he's married to a crazy pregnant lady who's irrational and coming apart at the seams - but he doesn't. He's so patient. I mean, he had a sermon to preach that morning. We were at his workplace and he was doing what he could to help me through the morning even though he had a job to do. Oh, and unrelated to Sunday morning, he rescued the kids and I when my car broke down on Monday. I was pretty sure there wasn't going to be anything he could do when he popped the hood, but after a lot of references on the iphone and a few trips to Auto Zone, he got it running!!
Sis kept telling him that he was our hero. And he is. And Beth and Jess definitely qualify this week too. I can't explain how grateful I am to have safe people in my life that I can melt down in front of and who encourage me while continually pointing me to Jesus. I was fearful I wouldn't have that here, but praise God that he provides abundantly and gives more than we could ask or imagine. I suppose that makes Him the biggest hero.
The last straw was when I told her she needed to put away her crayons and coloring books so we could leave and she looked me in the eye and dumped the entire box out on the living room carpet. BAHHH! It doesn't help matters that I'm feeling more and more emotional these days which I'll attribute to being pregnant - that makes me feel better, anyway- like there's some logic to things unraveling.
It's just so amazing to me how utterly defeating a 3 year old can be. Her defiance sets in motion a downward spiral of emotions. I'm frustrated because she's disobedient. Then, I get down on myself for being a horrible parent because who else can I blame for her disobedience? Then, I totally freak out when I realize that I can't manage to parent TWO children and I'm about to attempt parenting a THIRD?! Then, there are generally tears involved and Sis drops what she's doing to come and be sweet and kind and she hugs me and strokes my hair and tells me she's sorry and not to be sad and that everything will be ok. deep breath. I'm exhausted thinking about it.
So, we got to church and I felt like I was doing much better...until she refused to go to her classroom. I felt myself starting to lose it again. The tears. Oh, Mama, hold it together. But, I couldn't. The Rev came and took Sis and I retreated to the bathroom. My sweet friend, Jess, came in to check on me which I appreciated so much. And later I ran into my friend, Beth, who looked at me with such empathy and asked so genuinely, "You doing okay?" Both of them are mothers to two children similar ages to mine and who I've spent a significant amount of time with over the past months. They really do understand, which is so precious. B told me to drop my kids off at her place for a few hours on Monday morning so I could get some quiet time alone. And I started crying all over again because of her kindness and for loving me so well. It was exactly what I needed.
Then, there's my amazing husband. He could just act like he's married to a crazy pregnant lady who's irrational and coming apart at the seams - but he doesn't. He's so patient. I mean, he had a sermon to preach that morning. We were at his workplace and he was doing what he could to help me through the morning even though he had a job to do. Oh, and unrelated to Sunday morning, he rescued the kids and I when my car broke down on Monday. I was pretty sure there wasn't going to be anything he could do when he popped the hood, but after a lot of references on the iphone and a few trips to Auto Zone, he got it running!!
Sis kept telling him that he was our hero. And he is. And Beth and Jess definitely qualify this week too. I can't explain how grateful I am to have safe people in my life that I can melt down in front of and who encourage me while continually pointing me to Jesus. I was fearful I wouldn't have that here, but praise God that he provides abundantly and gives more than we could ask or imagine. I suppose that makes Him the biggest hero.
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