A few years back a friend of mine experienced the loss of her father. His death was unexpected and the circumstances were heartbreaking. We weren't super close friends at the time, but close enough. We had recently planted our church, and it was our first experience having one of our members (and friends) deal with such a loss. I wasn't sure what to say to her, and out of fear that I might say the wrong thing - I said nothing at all. She came to me in the midst of her grief and explained how hurtful it had been that we had not been there more for her and her family. I felt terrible.
Since then, I've had so many friends deal with suffering through a myriad of circumstances - the loss of a parent, the loss of a job, infertility, miscarriage, chronic health problems, etc. I wish I could say that I've loved them better than my friend who lost her father. In some cases i have, but I also continue to struggle with some of the same problems. I'm so fearful of saying the wrong thing to them in the midst of their suffering that I don't say anything at all. I'm fearful that proclaiming Gods truths to them will sound cliche or will only make them feel worse. Im fearful that Ill sound condescending. And even if they struggle with specific sins during their suffering, I'm fearful of calling them out because it just feels wrong to do that to someone who's in pain - even if it is biblical. All of these things have been weighing on my mind as several of my friends currently suffer.
I was also thinking about it a lot back in May of 2010 when I wrote a similar post about suffering. They may as well be my thoughts from today. After a recommendation from The Rev I started reading Joni Eareckson Tada's, "When God Weeps",which is currently blowing.my.mind. Here's a taste - "God always seems bigger to those that need him most. And suffering is the tool he uses to help us need him more." phew.
It occurred to me today that perhaps God has placed the subject of suffering on my heart in order to prepare me for something. That's a bit ominous...and probably true to some extent as everyone is pretty much in the midst of suffering, coming out of a season, or heading into one. It's unavoidable, really. I'll be honest, I'm praying against it. Currently, though, my focus is not (entirely) on myself but on those around me that are in dark places.
Lord, I pray that you will give me the strength to love my friends well. I pray that I will be present in their lives and that I will confidently proclaim your truth to them without fear. I pray that you will help me to be a better friend, one that brings the aroma of Christ. Lord, you are the ultimate comforter, but you use flawed people like me to bring some means of earthly comfort in the relationships you have granted.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. 2 Cor 1:1-7
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